Me, A Sports Writer?

I write every day. I pull things deep from my subconscious. My journals are dream studies - literally - I write down every dream and nightmare I've had. They are charts of my goals for the future. I keep a list of photo opportunities that never worked out; they haunt me. I write when I am content, angry, grieving, or happy.

I have a blog. It has no rhyme or reason or distinct purpose. It exists for me, for a place to go. I write when I want to. When I've seen a film that has deeply affected me.. when I have a really good meal at a restaurant. When I am proud of my local government. When I experience any type of milestone that other people might want to read about.

I contribute weekly, monthly and quarterly to local publications. I write dining reviews without blinking. I write op-eds so easily it's like I've plugged my brain into the computer and my hands try to keep up typing.

So why does it take me three or four hours sometimes to publish a quick sports summary? It's because I am really out of my element here and always doubting what I've written. I study sports articles, and try to nail down a structure. I don't know how to word just about anything. Sometimes I ask myself why I volunteered to do this.

And then I remember... I dive into everything head first. If I thought about how difficult it would be, how unknown, how unwelcoming or unfriendly, wouldn't I psych myself out of just about everything? They say that you can't possibly know everything about parenting; such is life.

Every time I approach someone for a quote, I remember what I've learned from the last time. Each time I write, I learn something new. I take in new criticism.

I am astonished that I've been sitting in my chair at my desk as the sun went down, as the Phillies game is ending. When I sat down, my hair was soaking wet. Now it is dry.

So, please... read my baseball stories. They are my blood, sweat and tears. I am so frustrated. But I won't give up. I want to enjoy the rest of the season. When I put the camera down, and put my pen down, I'm just another spectator. I enjoy it. I can watch it. I don't have to worry about catching a play through the camera that clearly needs a bigger lens.

I have made new friends in the press box. Last Friday we sat through extra innings and barely made conversation. Today, I discovered that my new friend had a pacemaker installed last Thursday. He showed me the scars.. very cool. He said it as casually as if he had said, "So, my wife and I tried out the new restaurant." Just like that. And then his wife arrived at the game, and she climbed up into the press box. It was nice.

I'm really going to miss this. Someday soon I'll write more.