Table for 1

I talk frequently with a coworker on the benefits of doing things alone.  Movies, lunch, drinking (seriously – without a drinking problem, it’s OK to drink alone.)  He is a couple of years younger than me, so I make an extra effort to relate things to him.  I feel like, because of the age difference, he is still impressionable, if only a tiny bit.

“Ever hear of Glenn Miller?” he asked today. “Yeah,” I replied. “Really?” he asked – none of his friends had heard of the orchestra.  “Pretty sure my grandparents listen to them,” I explained.  He hesitated for a moment, and then said that they are coming to the State Theatre and he would like to go.  I encouraged him, and said to go alone. “Have you written about this yet,” he asked. “Going alone, I mean.  You should.”

No – I hadn’t, but I will. And so I am.

The aforementioned situation: Anthony will be the youngest person in the audience, if he chooses to go to the concert.  If he brings one of his peers, he’ll likely talk the person into the concert.  The person will not enjoy the concert nearly as much as Anthony, if enjoyed at all.  And so Anthony may find himself explaining his musical taste, having to defend his opinion, even finding himself indebted to this friend for the experience.

To this, I say this – Forget it. Go alone.

Things every woman should learn:

Going to a bar solo, ordering a drink, and reserving the right not to speak with anyone, refusing to accept a “free” drink, and not feeling socially awkward.

Having lunch.  By yourself.

Going to a movie.  By yourself.

Like everyone, my life experience so far is unique.  For the vast majority of my life, I have found myself not in a serious relationship.  I have not run with a crowd, ever.  I have never had an entourage. This is fine by me.  It doesn’t keep me from living, however: from going out to eat, going to a movie, out for a quick drink.

One day, I decided that I wanted to see Up.  I am a spur-of-the-moment type, and I left work in the late afternoon and caught a matinee.  It was awesome.  I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Admittedly, I’m a writer, which is a hopelessly alone type of thing.  I can’t write and be social at the same time.  (Even more, if I’m not writing, I’m probably unhappy and not going to be much to be around anyway.)  I pen dining reviews once a month, so I’m always going out to eat.  Often, I have no choice but to be alone because even working with my own schedule makes it tough to get away at the right time – restaurant hours, my work hours, and publishing deadline considered.  Forget coordinating with a friend.  If I wasn’t already comfortable dining alone, I’d just be getting comfortable with it now.

When I was just out of college, I moved across the country.  I spent a lot of time alone.  I had family and roommates, but finding friendship is quite difficult, just like dating.  As I explored my new city, I did much of it alone.  At age 21, these were the first years that I found myself going out to eat alone.  Once I had done it, I realized that it wasn’t so bad.  And even if you aren’t a food writer, there’s no shame in dining alone.  No one to argue with about money.  No need to feel guilty about what you’re eating - any more guilty than you already are.

Sitting at a bar, alone, is understandably scary for most women.  You might be thinking that everyone is looking at you, they are judging, etc.  It’s not true.  Some people will presuppose that you are alone, they may find you attractive, and they may think that you want to be picked up.  So all you need to do is to act uninterested.  To do this, use body language – turn away.  If you’ve accidentally locked eyes, give a quick, blank smile, and look away.  Demonstrate that you are busy by reading.  Some people will try to talk to you.  However, most times I have gone out alone, I have not had this problem.  The one exception was in Los Angeles, and L.A. is not a reflection of the rest of the country.  I found that the most aggressive people actually wanted to talk about themselves, not me.

The more experience you have, the more you will grow comfort with taking yourself out and defending yourself. 

Face it.  You don't always have an option for company at times that you want to go out.  If you feel comfortable going out alone occasionally, you won’t need to tolerate someone else.  And if you don’t enjoy your own company, why should anyone else?

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